Pinoy Stupid!

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

“Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? ”
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

“Q. Where will the government get this money? ”
A. From taxpayers.

“Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? ”
A. Only a smidgen.

“Q. What is the purpose of this payment? ”
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

“Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China? ”
A. Shut up.”

*****

Below are some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer it will go to India.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car it will go to Japan.

If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

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Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence. One from the Philippines, another from Mexico and an American. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The American contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.  ‘Well,’ he says. ‘I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.’

The Mexican contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, ‘I can do $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.

‘The Filipino contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: ‘$2,700.’

The official, incredulous, says, ‘What? You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure? How do you expect me to consider your service with that bid?

‘Easy,’ the Pinoy explains, ‘$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Mexico ‘.

The next day, the Pinoy and the Mexican are working on the fence.

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